[English boy]

)الحيين ابغاكم تقولولي كتعبير صح ولا لا مو كترك فراغ في البدايه وهالشغلات ...
It's extremely excellent but how come u want to be a businesswoman then u want to work for companies and banks. Here I guess you just need to carry on supporting ur topic sentence.

2)وبس بدي جملتين كمان تزيد علييهم زي اييش مثلا خخخخ راحت الافكار مني هههههه وشكررا Well, I believe that ideas just disappear when we try to write about ourselves, right? strang!!

If I were u I would speak about previous famous businessman; his biography and how did he accomplish his goals

then give example of what are u aimig to do in the future