اريد مساعدة في تحسين البرجراف ..

[متصدر]

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

الحمد لله اعتمدت على نفسي في كتابة ربع بارجراف لكنه يحتاج الكثيير للتعديل . المدرس حذرني وقال لي البارجراف الي عملته قصير جدا
وكلامه صحيح لأن افكاري ليست كثيرة وحتى لو املك افكار لا املك كلمات لوصفه وانا هنا احتاج لمساعدتكم لتحسين البارجراف وجعله كامل من حيث الشخصيات والتعمق في القصة
والخاتمة .. ارجو ان لا يكون طلبي مستحيللاً ..

والبرجراف كالتالي

A thief in the house

.The incident occurred about a year ago
.we went into house . But suddenly we felt that there is a burglar in the house

.i was thinking that grabbed the theif but i reneged on my decision and prefrred to call the policeman

Finally , the thife was caught on and took him to jail . In the end , We felt safe after the arrest of the thief and Thankfully nobody touch injured


البرجراف فقيير جداً انتظر ابداعاتكم

[Somaiah Yousef]

A Thief in The House

.The incident occurred about a year ago.We got back into our house but suddenly we started hearing a strange sound . Then we felt that there is a burglar in the house

My younger sister started crying which led the theif to appear with his gun . In that
moment we scared .

.I was thinking of fighting the theif but i reneged on my decision and preferred to call the policemen . That was our problem,how to use the phone when this theif browbeat to throw the bullet . Any way suddenly someone opened the door and the policemen spreaded around the thief . The story was that our neighbour felt there was a strange moves in our house when we was outside it .He preferred to call the police .

Finally , the thief was caught on and took him to jail . In the end , We felt safe after the arrest of the thief and Thankfully nobody touch injured and we got a good feeling that we had a good neighbour.

[Somaiah Yousef]

^

حرفت القصة عشان تصير اكشن
الظاهر اني تحمست مرا

هذآ اللي قدرت عليه واستعنت بـ عمو قوقل
م قدرت اخرج من الموضوع بدون م اخرف

ان شاء الله تلقى المساعدةة

*point
But و And غلط انها تجي بداية جملة كدا قالت استاذتي

[متصدر]

هههههههههههههههه

قصتك افضل من قصتي احس فيها اثارة

صراحة اعطيتيني امل اني كمان ازييد اضيف كلمات لقصتك المثييرة وما يحتااج العم قوقل مايرد احد
بس بعض الأحيان يزعل ويترجملك غلط ..

.. يعطيك العافية فيونكه ماقصرتي
-------------------

انتظر المزييد من الأفكاار.. وفي الصبااح بطلع القصة النهائية وان شاء الله افلح في اختبار الفاينل درافت

[Somaiah Yousef]

^

ههههههههههههههه

بالتوفيق لك إن شاء الله ,, ربي يسهلك

[Bassam99]

المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة فيونكـه A Thief in The House .The incident occurred about a year ago.We got back into our house but suddenly we started hearing a strange sound . Then we felt that there is a burglar in the house My younger sister started crying which led the theif to appear with his gun . In that moment we scared . .I was thinking of fighting the theif but i reneged on my decision and preferred to call the policemen . That was our problem,how to use the phone when this theif browbeat to throw the bullet . Any way suddenly someone opened the door and the policemen spreaded around the thief . The story was that our neighbour felt there was a strange moves in our house when we was outside it .He preferred to call the police . Finally , the thief was caught on and took him to jail . In the end , We felt safe after the arrest of the thief and Thankfully nobody touch injured and we got a good feeling that we had a good neighbour.

policemen = police
والثانية بدون him
والثالثة صحيحة لكن إذا كانت صعبة تقدر تقول got hurt

وما يحتاج تزود أي كلة على التعبير لأنه أكثر من 150 كلمة